I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
