Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I miss vodka workout Fridays
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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