I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
