Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All I want is dick and wine.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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