I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
