I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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