dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
