no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
