hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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