I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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