Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
