everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you made out with another girl for some wings
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
