hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
