Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
