I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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