Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
