we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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