i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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