Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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