I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
