the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You've changed since you got that strap on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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