Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
