He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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