We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
