I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
