and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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