I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have tasted many bathrooms
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
