I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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