Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
