My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
