At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
