Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
