It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
