I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
