Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
