I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
