my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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