One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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