Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
