bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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