I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
