I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
