you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
