Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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