Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You made out with two different species that night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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