I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
