the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
