Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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