oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
