u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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