Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
