i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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